When I first moved to Paris, the cultural difference I felt most strongly was the French people's openness toward romance. When I told them that my mother hadn't had a new partner since her divorce several decades ago, they looked me in the eye and asked, "How can you live without love?" They flatly denied it, saying, "I'm sure she has one, but she's just keeping it a secret from her children. It's impossible not to be in love!" If I said something like, "Well, my mother is already in her 50s..." a long discussion about romance would begin. In Japan, mothers are often portrayed as hardworking, wonderful single mothers who sacrifice their lives and romance to devote themselves entirely to their children, but this seems to be different in France. Men and women are expected to love until the day they die, and they tend to believe that love is the source of energy for work, child-rearing, and everything else in life. It seems impossible to understand where one's strength comes from without love. In the past, French presidents have openly engaged in extramarital affairs, and their approval ratings have not only not declined, but even increased. When former President Hollande's extramarital affair was revealed in 2014, 77% of French people responded that it was a "personal matter," demonstrating the French people's unintrusive and extremely tolerant attitude toward romance. It's been four years since I moved to France, and while I haven't fully adopted the French way of thinking, I admire the idea of no age limit for romance and have come to aspire to adopt it myself.




In fact, French people fall in love at any age. A male friend of mine in his 30s from France spent his New Year's holiday with his divorced parents and their respective partners. His mother, Anne, 60, is an editor at a publishing company, and has been living with her current partner for nearly 10 years. Although she's divorced, she has never been married, and even her previous partner (his father) was in a common-law marriage. When asked why they didn't register their marriage, she simply replied, "Because it's not essential." Her ex-partner was an illustrator, and she, an editor, collaborated with him on numerous projects. They shared everything together, including work, romance, and children, but eventually decided to go their separate ways. "I don't see the dissolution of our common-law marriage as a failure. The time and experiences we shared together are irreplaceable to us, and they will remain our bond as a family." When I asked her about why she ended their marriage, she bluntly replied, "Living together for a long time certainly changes things. The passion we had for each other in the early days transformed into tenderness through the ups and downs of life's various moments. Shared experiences in life (living together, having children, etc.) can strengthen bonds and change perspectives. If there are differences of opinion, there's no reason we have to stay together, and we should consider living separately." She explained that their separation was based on respect for each other's lifestyles and values amid life's changes. "Breaking up is not always easy. It's important to discuss your decision thoroughly and accept it, rather than choosing to live selfishly."


A book edited by Anne

Even if ending a common-law marriage or getting divorced is a positive decision, the pain of love is still felt. The more passionate the love, the deeper the wound. After a breakup, many people make a temporary decision to never fall in love again. Anne also says, "I wasn't looking for love at the time." "I met my current partner 19 years ago, and we were part of a group of friends. We spent a long time getting to know each other as people, not as lovers. We both have a long story in our lives, and we both believe that our roles as parents come first." Even after several relationships, Anne's definition of love hasn't changed. "Love is a mixture of understanding, cooperation, and accepting the other person, including their flaws. It's about having the same values, being positive, and understanding that you need to maintain a certain degree of independence," she says, highlighting the individualistic values that underpin the French relationship.




"Relationships change, but love always remains." Her relationship with her former partner, with whom she shared many experiences and who assumed the role of parent, was a kind of love and unique. Her relationship with her current partner, who accepts everything and maintains her independence, is also undoubtedly love. Whether we like it or not, life is constantly changing, and I believe that the strength to accept the flow without resisting it and stick to one's own beliefs is beautiful in a woman and in a person. Rather than clinging to a relationship of inertia and compromise, giving up and putting an end to something should mark the beginning of a new story. Age has nothing to do with this; it's up to you. Incidentally, my mother is planning to move to Paris this year. I can't wait to see who she'll be with and how she'll develop her love! 




>>Is "marriage" so old-fashioned? French women share their real views on love.